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FLATWOODS, KY - A conservative man has reportedly boycotted every single company with ties to "woke" political idealogy and now resides alone in a cave with his Goya Beans and MyPillow.

"I have everything I need to survive," said Brian Palmer, 57, clutching his can of GOYA-brand small white beans. "I have had to give up every earthly possession I once had - but I am hitting those "wokes" where it hurts: the wallet."

Palmer then revealed a corridor with the names of banned companies carved into stone.

Pepsi, Disney, Frito-Lay - the list is extensive.

"Those big corporations will rue the day they went all woke," said Palmer. "I think they're gonna crack any day now."

Palmer claims to have begun his boycotting quest to avoid supporting companies he felt were harming societ

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