Oh, like you've never pretended to be a high-ranking admiral at a Remembrance event

IT’S the hypocrisy I hate. We’ve all done crazy shit for kicks in late middle-age. But suddenly it’s only me who fakes being an admiral on Remembrance Sunday.

Okay, a couple of my medals clashed. I didn’t have the ‘right shirt collar’, whatever that is. Dude. I was absolutely off my box on honouring our fallen. So I wasn’t on top of every little detail.

And yet everyone’s ‘Who is this fake Navy officer?’ as if they’ve never slipped into a flight commander’s uniform and joined a parade, red-faced, pupils massive, bolt-bloody-hard.

What harm did it do? ‘Oh no, those who made the ultimate sacrifice in two world wars have been inappropriately paid tribute!’ Like they’d care. I laid that wreath like a f**king boss, I promise you. Not one person in attendance criticised my wreath-laying. It w