AUBURN HILLS, MI — Truck manufacturer Dodge unveiled new headlights today that would come standard with new models and were designed specifically to blast gamma ray bursts into your eyeballs.

After years of extensive research, designers were finally able to come up with a way to make vehicle headlights so bright that they would cause permanent, radioactive damage to the eyes of oncoming drivers.

"These babies will blast you right straight in your retinas," spokesperson Dale McMillan said. "You'll be seeing them when you blink your eyes for days. If you can ever see anything again, I mean. If anyone can see after this, they must be Superman. We think you'll love them. Unless you're looking at them coming from the opposite direction, that is."

The new headlights were set to replace the ol

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