From "What's Wrong With Them?" to "What Happened to Them?"

Key points

Shift from thinking “What’s wrong with them?” to “What happened to them?” to foster empathy and understanding.

Difficult behavior often reflects fear, insecurity, or past trauma.

Humility includes firm boundaries; compassion doesn’t require tolerating harmful behavior.

If patterns become controlling or unsafe, recognize it as abuse and prioritize your safety.

When we interact with someone whose behavior feels abrasive, dismissive, or chronically negative, our instinct is often to ask, “What’s wrong with you?” It’s an understandable reaction, but it closes the door to true understanding. If we are actively practicing humility, we may want to ask a different question, such as: “What happened to you?”

This is not to suggest that harmful behavior be excused. Instead, ponder