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If you grew up in purity culture, you might remember the object lessons used to warn kids about the danger of sex outside marriage. One of the most memorable involved a rose. It was passed from person to person, each handling it until the petals bent, tore, and fell away. By the end, the once-beautiful flower was wilted and broken.

The message was clear: “This is what happens to you if you’re touched too much, no longer pure, no longer beautiful. Damaged goods.”

While I still believe that sex outside its intended context (marriage) wounds the human soul, and I understand the desire to help impulsive teenagers take it seriously, the exercise did deep harm. It left many questioning their worth, not only in the eyes of a forgiving God, but also in the so-called “marriage mark

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