Key points

Downward comparison might offer initial relief, but it teaches individuals to minimize their own pain.

Comparison can silence authentic grief, which prevents honest emotional processing.

Healthy empathy allows your pain to exist alongside others, without minimizing either.

The other day, my Uber driver shared something that stayed with me long after our ride. When I asked if she had children, she described her 18-year-old son, a “teddy bear” of a boy with severe, non-verbal autism . He communicates by pointing to pictures, functions at a three-year-old level, and cannot use the bathroom independently. As she spoke about her care-giving exhaustion, she said, “But I have to remember that others have it worse.”

She said these words with an optimistic tone, but they carrie

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