Key points

Adam Grant and Brené Brown both prove authenticity has costs: oversharing derails careers and relationships.

We perform strategically everywhere—at work, with partners, friends, and family—to stay employed and loved.

Research shows 28-73% of therapy clients hide secrets from therapists due to shame, even in total safety.

The solution isn't radical honesty but intentional performance: knowing when you're wearing the mask.

Let's start with a confession: I've never been fully authentic for a single day in my life.

Neither have you.

I don't mean this as an accusation. I see it as fact. The relentless cultural message telling us to "be ourselves" might be the cruelest advice we've ever collectively accepted. It promises liberation but brings anxiety .

Because here's what no

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