TUCSON, AZ - Zookeepers across the nation are reportedly scrambling to vaccinate all reptiles in captivity following the announcement that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has tested positive for COVID-19.

"COVID has officially jumped species," warned a representative from the American Organization of Zookeepers. "We've seen it jump to apes and household pets but now that reptiles are affected we have to work quickly."

This is not the first time a politician has been infected with the Coronavirus, but Pelosi is in a unique position as a confirmed reptilian overlord. The secret race of humanoids that disguise themselves to live among us and control our lives was previously thought to be invulnerable, but conspiracy theorists speculate Pelosi's addiction to alcohol and ice cream contributed to t

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