BETHSAIDA — The amazing reputation built by a Galilean carpenter-turned-traveling rabbi grew even more impressive this week, as Jesus of Nazareth miraculously turned a plate of disgusting oatmeal raisin cookies into chocolate chip.

The multitude of men, women, and children had reportedly grown faint in the heat of the day and were asking for some type of sweet treat. Though a small boy volunteered his snack bag, the crowd was thrown into despair when it was discovered that he only had oatmeal raisin cookies. Jesus then reportedly saved the day by turning them into something more edible.

"It was an act of God," said Judah, a man from Capernaum who witnessed the event. "We were all starving, but this dumb kid only had oatmeal raisin cookies. Nobody was going to touch those things. But then

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