DES MOINES, IA — Motivated by a lackluster showing in Monday evening's caucus, presidential candidate Nikki Haley has ordered the bombing of Iowa. Reports coming in from the ground indicate hundreds of eligible voters have lost their lives as a result of attacks on key polling locations throughout the state. Nikki Haley has officially claimed responsibility for the attacks.

"There's only one solution to this problem, which is the same solution to every problem, and that is bombing things," Nikki Haley reportedly said as she gave the official go-ahead to her personal drone-strike team. "Ooo! Look at the explosions!"

Final polling data ahead of the official caucus shows Nikki Haley losing to Trump, which the presidential candidate has emphatically said is "unacceptable." According to sourc

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