HOUSTON, TX — The Home Depot has just announced a brand new "Alarm of Shame," which will be standard in all Home Depot locations by next week. The Alarm of Shame is meant to improve customer satisfaction and self-confidence by loudly blaring every time any so-called "man" asks an employee for help.

"SHAME!! SHAME!!" blares the siren the moment a male degrades himself in the most humiliating way possible. Spotlights then reveal the location of the man-child, and other shoppers are encouraged to either laugh or join in yelling "SHAME!!"

"Yeah, all the time we get these men who will surreptitiously ask us how to find really simple things like where to find the 8 mm-1.25 x 25 mm plain steel internal hex metric socket cap screw," said Charlotte Bernard, a petite Home Depot employee. "You can

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