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YUGE NEWS! Zondervan has unveiled the Donald Trump Version of the Bible, finally giving freedom-loving Americans the chance to hear God's Word in the most beautiful, tremendous way ever!

The Babylon Bee has obtained an advance copy and can reveal the ten most inspiring verses:

John 11:35 - "Jesus Wept. Which I have never done, by the way. Never wept. Not a weeper."

Nehemiah 6:15-16 - "So the wall, the big, beautiful wall was finished on the 25th day of the month, finished in just 52 days. Everyone said I couldn't do it, but I did. Our enemies were shocked, believe me. And the Babylonians paid for it."

Leviticus 19:27 - "Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head, but rather let it grow long and golden, and swirl it across the top."

John 14:2-6: "

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