Photo-Illustration: Marissa Dickson Photo-Illustration: Marissa Dickson

People are always surprised when they find out I own three white couches. You'd think I'd said I let my children juggle grape juice over them — a small domestic horror film that lives rent-free in every parent's mind.

The reactions are instant and dramatic: "But you have kids!" "And pets!" "You must live in constant fear!"

Honestly, I'm always amused by the stainxiety — that gut-tightening, breath-holding panic — people project onto my furniture. It's the collective gasp, the frozen stare, the instinctive reach for a napkin before anything's even happened. You can almost see their brains flash through the possibilities like a rapid-fire disaster reel. That's stainxiety: the micro-panic that floods in before logic

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