PORTLAND, OR - Multiple independent reports have confirmed that Portland resident Allie Peck has become the laughingstock of her drum circle this week after she pulled up in a Subaru with an embarrassingly low 48 stickers on the back.

"You're missing some of the basics - you don't even have '#RESIST' or 'Think Globally, Act Locally' or 'Well-Behaved Women Rarely Make History' - this is Subaru 101, man!" Allie's friend, hacky-sack instructor Dan "Free Solo" Kirk, cackled at Allie's weak showing. Eyewitnesses say the interchange caused one of the dirtier hippies to tumble off a nearby slackline, creating a chain reaction that knocked off several Rastafarian hats and overturned a bong.

Another Portland resident and friend of Allie's, Richard "Hike N' Bike" Coeur, went further, questioning h

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