WASHINGTON, D.C. — In response to public outcry that America has descended to the level of a banana republic, the Biden administration assured the American people that the United States is a democratic banana republic.

"These wild statements need to stop," said White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. "Any assertion that this country has turned into a banana republic is completely off base. We are a democratic banana republic, in which the people have the illusion of being able to elect leaders who completely wreck everything. It's an important distinction."

The Biden administration released a forceful statement declaring that their prosecution of political opponents was being performed in a very democratic fashion. "Yes, we jail political opponents just like in a banana republi

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