Atheist Patiently Waits For Ikea Coffee Table To Assemble Itself

BOSTON, MA — A tense standoff threatened to extend much longer than just the remainder of the afternoon, as an atheist was determined to sit and wait for his IKEA coffee table to assemble itself.

The man, a highly educated intellectual who staunchly refuses to believe God exists, sought to finally prove the spontaneous formation of the known universe by sitting and observing the disparate pieces of the IKEA table come together to form an orderly, functional whole.

"It's only a matter of time," he said as he sat in a chair with his arms folded and stared at the pile of boards, screws, nuts, and bolts. "Those religious whackjobs believe a higher power is necessary to assemble something into an organized creation? I'll show them."

Three hours in, the man was still waiting for a single piec