Q: My ex and I constantly argue about our parenting styles. I’m structured; he’s loose. I worry that the differences confuse our kids. He thinks I’m too strict. I think he’s too laid back. What is good ex-etiquette?

A: Most co-parenting battles are not actually about parenting styles. They’re about assumptions. When you’re in conflict with your ex, it’s easy to believe they’re trying to undermine you or that their approach is harming the children. But in case after case, I’ve found that parents with very different methods are often trying to accomplish the exact same thing. This is where the concept of parallel intentions changes everything.

Parallel intentions happen when both parents want the same outcome for their children but use different paths to get there. One may push structure b

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