Happy December, bitches! I hope everyone had a safe and relaxing holiday weekend. For me, that consisted of my mother and I engaging in an epic viewing marathon of Dateline , Dateline: Secrets Uncovered , and 48 Hours . (We’re both absolutely fine mentally, I swear.) As for Black Friday, I did not partake. I could spin this as nobly joining the “We Ain’t Buying It” boycott , but the truth is I actively never shop on Thanksgiving weekend. It’s not political so much as personal: I’m a contrarian who hates being told what to do! So even if that means missing out on good deals, I’m committed to making this point for an audience of… my dog.

Anyway, you may or may not have noticed that after the turkey pardoning the day before , the president waited until very late on Thursday to rage

See Full Page