How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

My 65-year-old husband (I am a 45-year-old woman) got a prostatectomy two months ago. Luckily, the cancer was confined, and he will be fine. He has recovered from surgery remarkably well.

Despite the wonderful penile rehabilitation resources we have (he has the injections, the pump, the pills), he has not been able to maintain an erection for penetrative sex. It also takes him much longer to orgasm with manual or oral stimulation, and I can tell he feels bad that he doesn’t get hard during this time. (He also pees while ejaculating, but I do not care about this, and we end up laughing about it after, although I can tell it’s embarrassing for him.)

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