PORTLAND, OR — A turkey that had previously been pardoned by former President Joe Biden four times was reportedly arrested in connection with a violent turkey murder.

"Another horrible crime that could have been prevented," said a police department spokesperson. "Why do they keep letting these foreign turkeys off the hook?"

According to official court documents, the turkey, a refugee from Afghanistan, had been in and out of prison during Biden's presidential term on charges of trespassing, grand theft auto, and illegal narcotics possession. Each time he was arrested, a Democrat-appointed judge would find some reason to let him out of prison early. After his most recent arrest for attempted kidnapping of a Christmas goose, it seemed that he would be in turkey prison for the rest of his li

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