WASHINGTON, DC — President Joe Biden took a tough stance against the kidnapping of four Americans by a Mexican drug cartel in Matamoros, Mexico this week, demanding that all hotels in the area reduce their resort fees immediately.

"Listen up, folks. Here's the deal. These resort fees are just outrageous," the President said in a brief statement to reporters gathered on the tarmac outside Air Force One at Andrews Air Force Base. "These cartel punks have messed with the wrong guy this time. It's time to show them who's boss, and that means addressing these ridiculous resort fees. Barginzafrutter!"

The story made headlines this week after four American citizens were assaulted and kidnapped by armed men shortly after their arrival in Matamoros. The Americans, traveling to Mexico for cheap co

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