A man in Auckland, New Zealand, found out the hard way that Fabergé eggs are not real eggs. Egg-shaped, sure. But for all the genetic tampering we’ve done to maximize factory-farmed chickens, we have not yet found a way to make one that can poop diamonds.

The man found this out because he allegedly stole a jewel-encrusted Fabergé egg locket by picking it up and depositing it in the safest place he could think of—in his stomach. I don’t blame him. When I travel, I protect myself from pickpockets by keeping my wallet and passport in my stomach.

CNN reports that the 32-year-old suspect walked into a central Auckland jewelry store last Friday, browsed the merchandise, and pulled off a good old-fashioned smash-and-grab. It wasn’t the most subtle heist. Staff immediately took note and promptly

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