The global gift retailing market size was valued at $475 billion in 2024 and is projected to grow to $491.82 billion in 2025, according to Fortune Business Insights.

Now that the Thanksgiving turkey leftovers have been polished off and most of us realize that Christmas is less than a month away, the retail marketing hurricane has ramped up the pressure to find the perfect gift. My house full of boys has little trouble settling on the person we appreciate most, but we struggle with what to buy. The modern marketplace is willing to sell us just about anything but thoughtfulness.

Thanksgiving affords my five boys and me the opportunity to reflect on the people we appreciate most in our lives. This year, like every year, we unanimously agree that one person makes our lives immeasurably better: Mom. We are, in fact, appreciative of a great number of people, but Mom keeps our home from devolving into a dark cave that smells of dirty laundry and various proteins.

The question that immediately follows: So what should we get Mom for Christmas?

The desire for nonmaterial appreciation

Right out of the gate, one boy mentioned, "Cedar … wood … candle" (apparently confusing candles with our affinity for grilling salmon). Honestly, my wife does like candles, but she has more than an ancient Italian monastery.

"Mom likes your boxers and T-shirts," another chimed in. "Maybe we can get her some lady pajamas." Nothing lets you know that you live in a boy home quite like a group of young men who have absolutely no idea what women wear at night.

"Remember when you bought her the nice broiler pan, and she put it in the cabinet above the fridge?" asked another. "Maybe you just throw away the one she's using, so she uses that one and our food is safer to eat." Asking the boys for Christmas ideas is like asking Congress for fiscal restraint: interesting, but ultimately fruitless.

All of us struggled because we're culturally conditioned to look for stuff.

The real comedy here, and the subject I want to chew on, is that I actually know the answer about what Mom wants. Years ago, I read Gary Chapman's "The Five Love Languages," so I know, definitively, that my wife's primary language is acts of service followed by quality time.

I also know she's not alone in this preference for nonmaterial appreciation.

Americans have enough 'stuff'

Don't get me wrong. We buy lots of stuff. The global gift retailing industry is a nearly $500 billion market that grows annually, and Americans plan to spend an average of almost $900 per consumer on holiday gifts, decorations, food and other key items this season. It's just that my wife and countless others like her couldn't be less interested in the noise of the consumer-industrial complex.

My wife doesn't want another object to become clutter in our home; she wants to know that her sacrifices and daily efforts have been noticed. She wants to see her car detailed (by us), the cabinets thoroughly cleaned and for her boys to do their homework without argument.

The data backs up the idea that the physical gift-giving love language is statistically one of the least popular. A 2025 survey by telehealth company Hims found that "gifts" ranked dead last as a love language, cited by only 11% of respondents. The top two love languages, "quality time" and "physical touch," don’t have anything to do with "stuff" at all.

This shift has been noticed across the entire market. Deloitte's holiday surveys have projected a steeper decline in consumer spending on gifts than experiences. Research published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology even found that spending on experiences "promotes more moment-to-moment happiness" than spending on material items because they endure in people's memories.

Putting effort into appreciation

So for all the other husbands and fathers reading this while staring at a shopping cart full of brightly colored, entirely unnecessary items: Stop. Reread the tea leaves. Your wife is likely not asking for a $100 Snazzy brand scuba half-zip pullover; she’s asking for your attention and your effort.

She doesn't want to ask you and the kids to check the pockets before putting the laundry in; she wants you to know what needs doing and to do it from a place of deep love, not obligation. She doesn't need another cedar wood candle; she needs 20 minutes of you sitting down next to her, helping her finish her puzzle and truly talking.

This time of year is a beautiful bookend to Thanksgiving. My boys and I spend a moment acknowledging who we appreciate; we then spend the next month trying to figure out how to express that appreciation. If the data shows Americans are tired of wasting money on unwanted gifts, the fiscally responsible – and, frankly, emotionally intelligent – solution is right there: Be present, be observant and serve the person who serves your family all year long.

Get an early start. Put some thought into the doing. And maybe, just maybe, skip the kitchenware aisle. It will just wind up in the cabinet above the refrigerator anyway.

Cameron Smith is a columnist for the Nashville Tennessean, where this column originally appeared.

This article originally appeared on Nashville Tennessean: Give your loved one a Christmas gift that can't be bought | Opinion

Reporting by Cameron Smith, Opinion contributor / Nashville Tennessean

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