Have you started your Christmas shopping yet? No? Well, you’d better get cracking because the big day is hurtling towards us like the meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs.

I’ve always thought the frantic, festive spending spree was a bit like football’s transfer window with preposterous sums lavished on odds, sods, absurdities and peculiarities.

Think of the junk Rangers bought during the summer as you mull over a needless “wee opener” for Irene next door and you’ll get the general idea.

Anyway, it's the season of goodwill, although one act of human kindness that infuriates throughout the entire year is a fellow golfer telling you to “keep your head down” in that awkward, muttering period after you’ve heaved, grunted and scuttled your ball a few yards down the fairway. I’m speaking fro

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