CLEVELAND, Ohio — Punk stalwart Dave “Mel-Mel” Ryans made the switch from the popular malt liquor Steel Reserve, sometimes known as 211, to infamous liqueur brand 99 Bananas after doctors revealed a startling potassium deficiency, confirmed head-tilting sources.

“The doctors told me my Vitamin P or whatever was really low, but the night before I had done a bunch of whip-its at a house party show and I think nitrous lowers your potassium or something. My homie Scott was telling me something like that I think,” said Ryans. “But anyways, what was I talking about again? Oh yea, nitrous, wait, no, the potassium thing. I started drinking those 99 Bananas from the corner store because I know fruit has a ton of vitamins, especially liquid fruit. Half a bottle a day should get my levels back on tr

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