BURLINGTON, VT - According to sources, local homeowner Candy McSally is desperately trying to make a batch of figgy pudding so a gang of obnoxious carolers will leave her alone.

Neighbors say that as of 1 am, the carolers are on their 427th round of "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" and have promised to stay in place until they get some figgy pudding.

"What the heck is figgy pudding anyway?" said McSally as she frantically searched through a stack of cookbooks hoping to find a recipe. "Why won't they leave until they get some? Who wrote that infernal song? Why are carolers even a thing? Somebody help me!"

Historians say that figgy pudding is a 14th-century British dish, which would explain why it's gross and lame and nobody likes it. After searching on Google, McSally finally found a reci

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