Somewhere between the self-checkout lanes that treat everyone like a criminal and the “smart” fridge that tells you how empty your life is, we decided to invite technology into every corner of our existence—even the corner gas station. Spoiler alert: it’s not going well.

This week, I’d like to address a national crisis that’s flying under the radar. Unless you’re at pump #4. Yes, I’m talking about the gas pump. That cold, steel conversationalist that’s recently become the most inquisitive machine on the planet.

I miss the days when a trip to the gas station was simple. You’d pull up, hop out, swipe your card, press a button, and pump your gas like a productive member of society. Now, it’s a pop quiz in the parking lot, where we are required to answer an interrogation by a machine before

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