Anonymous sources close to Santa Claus have revealed his list of very naughty Mennonites to the Daily Bonnet. The following Mennonites will NOT be receiving presents this year, because they’ve been very very bad! (The rest of you will be receiving socks).

Mr. George Barkman, 101, Yarrow – flirting with the Thiessen sisters during Bible Study

Sarah Berg, 10, Saskatoon – not keeping her hands to herself during the pastor’s boring children’s story

Miss Erin Burkholder, 31, Lancaster – creating a Tinder profile without the elder board’s permission

Colin Fehr, 3 months, Mountain Lake – peeing in his mother’s lap during communion

Petey Friesen, 7, Linden – numerous occurrences of audible farting

Miss Noami Hostetler, 19, Kitchener – twerking in the church parking lot

Mr. Peter Isaac

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