Stephen Colbert returned to The Late Show on Tuesday night (September 2) after a summer hiatus and quickly caught up on the news he’d missed, including rumors of Donald Trump ‘s death. Plus, he gave his take on what a Trump phone sex line might sound like.

“I was shocked to learn that this weekend, the biggest story was frenzied social media rumors speculating whether Donald Trump had died,” the late-night host said at the top of his opening monologue. “For the record, Donald Trump is very much alive, okay.”

When the studio audience booed in response, Colbert calmed them down, saying, “No, we like our presidents alive.”

“This whole crazy rumor started simply because Trump had zero events on his schedule, Wednesday, Thursday or Friday,” the comedian continued. “One of the only signs

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