WASHINGTON, D.C. - Press Secretary Jen Psaki spent today's briefing lauding the heroic, faultless clean-up efforts after President Joe Biden laid an enormous dookie in the middle of the White House lawn.

"Having the President poop in the front lawn was simply unavoidable," said Psaki. "The fact is, he had no choice but to poop. People may be upset by how and where the poop evacuated his body, but it was going to happen. And really, Trump was the one who tied his hands when he told Joe - and I'm paraphrasing here - 'poop happens'. But our teams are executing the cleanup to perfection, and I would describe his poop as a complete and total success."

Peter Doocy pointed out that the White House lawn had devolved into chaos, with nearby civilians attempting to claw their eyes out, and the pil

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