ALBANY, NY - Governor Andrew Cuomo is disappointed after census data revealed his state had lost thousands of citizens, causing New York to lose a seat in the House of Representatives.

"Yeah, I guess I shouldn't have murdered 15,000 elderly residents in nursing homes by forcing them to admit COVID patients," said the governor in between bites of his spicy meatball sub. "Maybe, in hindsight, I could have done better."

"Or at least, maybe if I could have gotten 89 more of those old people to fill out a census form before dying I could have prevented this." Cuomo then finished his meatball sub and began plowing into a large bowl of spaghetti.

Critics of the governor insisted that 15,000 precious human lives were worth infinitely more than just a seat in Congress, but Cuomo was unable to he

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