HEAVEN

Deceased members of a local congregation claiming to have “figured it all out once and for all back in 1973” have found Heaven super boring and lonely.

“I’ve been up here since the summer of 1983 just waiting for some of my cousins to die,” said One True Church member Mr. Wiebe. “I’m getting awful lonesome waiting for a few other Wiebes to kick the bucket.”

Wiebe is among just a small handful of Heavenly citizens who’ve managed to make it past the pearly gates in the past 2000 years.

“For thousands of years people had it all wrong until our great leader Pastor Bob had a particularly spicy bowl of Aunt Edna’s chili at a church cookout in the early 70s,” said Wiebe. “It all came to him in the outhouse afterwards and our One True Church was born.”

With only a handful of people up

See Full Page