Are you a Carrie or a Samantha? Did you choose Piplup or Turtwig? Do you prefer Bratz or Barbie?

Life is full of choices that define the human experience in ways both big and small. That’s as true for The Real Housewives of Miami as it is for a kid in the Pokémon professor’s lab. Will you align yourself with Marysol Patton or Adriana de Moura? Two roads diverge on Miami Beach, and sorry, but you can’t travel both.

That’s the lesson our newest Housewife, Stephanie Shojaee, has learned less than a season into her run, as the puppets and all their masters attempt to grab her right by the strings. With every passing season, the Real Housewives franchise becomes more and more a game of Survivor, which might be why our Bravolebrities fare so well in The Traitors mansion. No one knows strategy

See Full Page