NEW YORK CITY — Self-described classical music aficionado Michael Rangel’s night at the Metropolitan Opera House was met with disappointment after realizing the experience was nothing like the popular JG Wentworth commercials depicted, venue staff have reported.

“I’ve always thought of myself as a man of taste and culture, so forgive me for asking what the actual hell is going on in ‘The Magic Flute.’ It’s been two hours and I’m still waiting for a single character to show up who’s won a large settlement but needs cash on the spot. Either this Mozart guy dropped the ball or all those JG Wentworth commercials I watched as a kid were bullshit,” said Rangel. “I came for the out of shape vikings and annuity payouts, and I’m getting birdcatchers and serpents. I’m starting to worry Wentworth hi

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