LONDON - Using microscopic communication technology, the COVID-19 strain within Prince Andrew revealed it was actually only 14 at the time of the infection.

"He came at me all crazy-eyed like a cat in heat," said the coronavirus. "I didn't say anything at the time because I was ashamed... but it's time I finally stood up for myself."

The youthful coronavirus then tweeted a lengthy thread in which it condemned the royal prince, prompting the Queen to grant him new royal titles only so she could take them away in disgust. The tweets ended with a call to action in addition to trending hashtags; #MeToo and #BelieveAllViruses.

Prince Andrew has denied he ever contracted coronavirus before anyone else did. "I would never do such a thing. And if I did I didn't know. You can't always tell how o

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