Dear Lucas : This happens every year. Every Sunday. My in-laws get their hopes up about the Cleveland Browns game while I prepare snacks and get the house in preparation for yet another punishment ritual. I’m not from Cleveland, so perhaps I don’t get it. But this amount of emotional investment in a sports team seems downright unhealthy. Is there a way I can get them to calm down and just enjoy each other’s company? Or should I simply stop watching the games with them?

Dear Reader : Every year, I unfortunately have to remind people about Susie, the Devourer of Light. Susie (some say Susan) is the eldritch horror that lives beneath the 50-yard-line at Huntington Bank Field and who will swallow reality itself if the Browns win the Super Bowl.

For those who have never gazed upon the Abyss

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