WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Pentagon revealed today an exciting new standard-issue piece of equipment for all soldiers in the United States Army: a gender reveal grenade. Instead of exploding in a deadly blast of shrapnel to neutralize America's foes, the grenade will simply detonate in a harmless puff of smoke to indicate the soldier's chosen gender identity.

"Our foes will cower in fear as our brave soldiers pop off a grenade that announces their gender identity," said a spokesperson for the Army. "Imagine the look on Chinese soldiers' faces as they hide in their bunkers and a grenade comes screaming in, only to pop open and bravely declare, 'It's a girl!'"

The Army has already performed field tests in the Middle East. As U.S. soldiers stormed an ISIS stronghold, one trans soldier screamed,

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