“The index of that great tome, Mrs Beeton’s Book of Household Management (all 1606 pages of it), has the item ‘flatulence’ located between ‘flapjacks’ and ‘flavourings’,” notes Brian Hayes of Epping. “On 70-plus years of experience, I would have thought it was more aligned with fruit and veg.”

More on monitors (C8), this time from Ron “Buckets” Wheeler of Wagga Wagga: “Not wanting to lower the tone but, a plum monitor’s job at Armidale Demonstration School in the late 1950s was that of Toilet Boy [Sounds like a superhero – Granny]. These lucky boys left class before home time to throw buckets of water on the non-flushing urinal walls and trough. They were then allowed, for some reason, to go straight home instead of returning to class.” I think we know why, Ron.

“When I was in grade fo

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