JACKSON, MI - The Connelly family has had lots of problems at the church they've attended for the past five years, from poor coffee offerings to sermons that make them feel uncomfortable some times.

But all their luck is about to change: the Connellys have left their small but faithful congregation for a sprawling new megachurch in their area, and they're "very excited" for their new church to solve all of their material problems.

"It's a new start for all of us," Jim Connelly told reporters. "And once we're attending at least monthly and sending our kids to their exciting youth programs, all our problems will just solve themselves. We'll barely have to parent anymore."

It's not just earthly problems that their new church will solve: the Connellys are confident that all their spiritual

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