HUNTSVILLE, AL — Despite having faithfully shepherded his congregation for twelve years, local Pastor Reagan Johnson has been removed from his post after a concerned congregant notified the elder board of his failing to have "Husband. Father. Pastor." in his bio on Twitter.

"I am ashamed to bear the title of minister of the gospel while such flagrant sins are so evident in my life," said Mr. Johnson. "A Twitter bio with ‘Husband. Father. Pastor.' is first in the list of biblical qualifications for elders, and I have failed in this fundamental area."

In a rare show of church unity, leaders from every denomination have agreed to adopt the triune Twitter label for pastors. "It's one of the few things we believe in common," said local Pastor Sam Wakefield. "I love Reagan, he's a great guy -

See Full Page