Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here . (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Pay Dirt,

My 65-year-old mom is a mentally competent adult, but she’s also ruining her life and our relationship. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do.

My brother has always been in and out of work. He’s smart but can’t really stick to anything or he charms them at first and then doesn’t really follow through. He’s a fun guy, but not reliable. I deal with this by never loaning him money or letting him be close or part of anything critical in my life. I don’t even assume he’ll show up to Christmas when he says he will. And my mom has been paying all his bills on and off, mostly on, for years. But since his divorce it’s been much worse and she’s realizing

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