U.S. - After the release of a Pentagon report claiming countries in the Middle East have essential oil resources for our national security and productivity, support for invading the region shot up to 87% among Christian women.

"It's vital that we capture these essential oils and bring them back to the US," one woman in Ohio told reporters. "While I was always iffy about the concept of occupying foreign countries, I now am 100% in favor of occupying every single country in the Middle East indefinitely."

"Send some troops over there, some drones, bomb 'em to the stone age - I don't care, as long as I get my hands on that sweet, sweet essential oil," she added, a crazed look in her eye. "Come to mama, big barrels of frankincense!"

Christian women across the nation let their imaginations ru

See Full Page