I’m not much one for conspiracies, but I think something’s going on here. Much has been made of the fact that Finnish superstar Patrik Laine seems awfully Mennonite with his beard and teetotaling. However, if you look a little closer, we’ve actually got an entire team of Mennos. Let’s have a look at the clues.

Joel Armia – Just like Laine, he’s from Finland, which apparently is more full of Mennos than we ever knew. Plus his surname sounds like “army,” which Mennonites are forbidden to join. Sounds like someone’s got something to hide.

Dustin Byfuglien – His rough and tumble style of play is an awful lot like the Rosenort boys at last year’s EM Cup.

Ben Chiarot – Ben “chariot” or, should I say, Ben “buggy”…as in horse and buggy.

Kyle Connor – Should be Rookie of the Year, but won’t

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