SEMINOLE, TX

Mr. Dueck of Seminole is breathing a sigh of relief this morning after it was revealed that some guy he’d never heard of before was now dead.

“Finally I can sleep at night!” said Dueck, quickly Googling ‘General Qasem Solemaini’ so he can look smart at the coffee shop this afternoon. “I’m glad we finally have a President who looks after our interests instead of just being concerned about his own reelection!”

After skimming the Wikipedia article about Solemaini, Dueck now believes that the assassination was definitely justified.

“I don’t know how we survived and thrived as a country all these years with that guy I just heard of his morning around,” said Dueck. “Good thing that guy from out over there somewhere is gone!”

Dueck spent the rest of the afternoon arguing with pe

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