Every f**ker with a garden trying to offload their crap apples

EVERY bastard with an apple tree in their garden is pressing whole shopping bags full of inedible fruit on their friends, family and colleagues.

Unsuspecting children and acquaintances are discovering that, rather than bin their hard, sour apples, local apple magnates prefer to force others to bin this year’s crop for them.

Francesca Johnson was a victim of friend Jo Kramer’s ‘generosity’. She said: “Has she ever seen me eat so much as a single apple? I like crisps.

“But she gives me two full bags of apples, which weigh a ton, while explaining some are cooking apples and some are edible and she’s ‘sure I’ll be able to tell which’. Pretending it’s a gift and not a massive imposition.

“What the hell am I meant to do with them? I don’t bake. I don’t make jellies or jams. I am a stranger t