LOUDOUN COUNTY, VA - In an attempt to calm angry parents, 3rd-grade teacher Patricia Merfle of Loudoun County Schools assured everyone that nothing bad is happening to their kids, but no one is allowed to come in and check.

"Yeah you can't come in right now," said Merfle, pointing to a "Do Not Enter" sign on the door. "We're busy learning important stuff about gender, but not bad stuff you would disagree with! Anyway, we need privacy, maybe you can come another time!"

Several angry parents wielding torches and pitchforks began to grow angry and demanded to see their kids.

"You have nothing to worry about!" said Merfle. "We're not teaching them that gender is on a spectrum or that promiscuity is really fun, or that America was built by white supremacists specifically to oppress black peo

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