Hello, officer? I'd like to report a theft.

Look, it hasn't happened yet. But this thief is so punctual you can set your clock by him. I guarantee you he'll be back this weekend on his annual visit, sneaking into homes in the dead of night and snatching the smallest of things few of us can spare - an hour of our time.

Yes, I know many people regard him as a hero and welcome his arrival with open arms. But that's because this thief - better known by his misleading alias "daylight saving" - is a deceptive bugger who's been fooling the country for far too long.

Sorry? You think he's a real charmer because he extends our evenings? A modern-day Robin Hood whose thievery can be excused because he dollops out extra daylight to the time-poor? With all due respect, officer, we're talking larceny

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