TIBET - Deep within the forests, beyond the rushing waters, and upon the highest hill of the lowest valley, Donald J. Trump has awoken and reached enlightenment. Permanently banned from Twitter, Trump has now found the time to search deep within and tackle the world's largest problems ailing humanity.

"I have achieved a tremendous enlightenment, maybe the biggest ever," said Trump after meditation. "I can see everything now with clean, beautiful clarity."

After reality sunk in that his days spent tweeting were no more, Trump realized that he had more time in his day than ever before. He searched for meaning to fill the void of Twitterlessness to no avail and thus began his journey around the world in search of answers.

Now in his ascendant state, Trump has effortlessly discovered the an

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