Aries, March 21st–April 19th

I went to the Riyadh Comedy Festival and laughed my head off! No, wait, criticised-the-government my head off.

Taurus, April 20th–May 20th

Jon Bon Jovi, singer of Bon Jovi, had no idea he had named his band after himself. ‘F**k me,’ he said, ‘you’re right.’

Gemini, May 21st–June 21st

There’s a Global ADHD Conference. Imagine being a speaker at that and trying to hold the audience’s attention.

Cancer, June 22nd–July 22nd

“Just put a flag in the ground and claimed a new nation for the British Empire.” “Jamaica?” “Yes, at gunpoint.”

Leo, July 23rd–August 22nd

In every TV show that begins with a presenter walking towards the camera, they arrived on set with seconds to spare but are styling it out.

Virgo, August 23rd–September 22nd

Erectile dysfunction ju

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