WASHINGTON, D.C. - Speaking at the end of a hallway in the White House after trying in vain to avoid the White House press corps, President Biden announced that he had been told he's running for re-election in 2024.

"I've been informed that it is my intention to run for re-election in 2024," said the president to a large potted plant instead of the crowd of journalists behind him. "As an exemplar of progressive ideals, it is my duty to lead this country to a better future, or so they tell me."

When asked by intrepid reporters if he is concerned his poor approval ratings might hinder his chances at making it through the primaries, let alone the general election, Biden stopped chewing on the house plant's leaves and told them he will let them know as soon as someone lets him know the answe

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